Fall Up Community Feature: Jasmine Pollard

Hi Fall Up Community,

Honoring each of you and your journeys with presence and heart, as always. And today it’s my true joy to introduce you to longtime Fall Up Community member, Jasmine Pollard. Jasmine continues to be so very intentional about her grief into growth journey, so please make yourself a hot cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, and receive what is meant for your heart from Jasmine’s beautiful reflections. 

And remember: together we fall up.

With love,

Jasmin 

Jasmine Pollard

A COUPLE OF FUN FACTS

Favorite comfort food:
Homemade Chicken Soup

Favorite feel good movie:
Everything Everywhere All At Once

We believe that to “fall up,” through your grief is to embrace your grief as an invitation to grow and transform, but what does “fall up,” mean to you?

For me, to Fall Up is to come home to my inner self in gratitude.  My life existed in the beauty of darkness as if suspended in time because I didn’t know how to grieve.  I didn't give myself the permission or allow myself to embrace all this unprocessed love inside of me which is what grief really is.  

To actually pause and FEEL what we are going through instead of thinking through it or reacting and being able to break that pattern and having gratitude for the process is “falling up”.  

Where are you most practicing “falling up,” in your life right now?

The Art of Being Present.  I was unaware of just how much PTSD withheld me from “falling up”.  Whether it is being present at the current task at hand, in conversation or while learning something new, I am really honing in on how I feel in the present moment daily and changing it if I need to.  I am a firm believer in synchronicities, but miracles have always been a little beyond my beliefs.  I feel more grateful about my journey as a mother after working through unknown patterns with Jasmin and Fall Up which led to the miracle of a renewed relationship with my own mom.  Deepening my spiritual focus, experiences and the guidance I receive to continue healing.

Which invitation from The Fall Up Method (the pause, the breath, the feeling, the healing), is calling to you most now? And how are you embracing this calling? 

I am prioritizing “feeling” but actively practicing all four.  Remembering to breathe through any undesired feelings and pausing long enough to process that in the moment, it’s not easy.  I liken it to hiking one of my favorite trails.  I can choose to just hike the path and push forward to get to the top, but it takes even more strength and awareness to stop/pause, listen to what I am experiencing in that moment.  Am I thirsty? Is my body remembering something I don't want to or is that literally a pebble in my boot?  Looking up at the sound and sway of the giant oak trees above and the sunlight seeping through their leaves, I call this “The Great Quiet”.  Stillness of the body and mind long enough to notice the sensations of the breeze whipping the tips of my hair across my cheeks, the sweat and heat on my neck cooling off, hearing the birds sing in the distance and seeing the evening’s cotton candy sky in all its vibrant pink hues is an overwhelming sense of presence and feeling grateful.

Anything you want to share about what you’re grieving or what you’re celebrating right now?

I AM GRIEVING:

• My younger self

• The lack of boundaries I had

• The exhaustive sense of control I thought I had over everything in life

• Friendships & familial relationships

• The life I planned for and thought I wanted

I AM CELEBRATING:

• Forgiving myself

• Embracing boundaries

• We never fully have control, but we have the abilities to make choices in life

• Welcoming more quality friendships into my life

• Remembering the Joy in lost familial relationships without having to rekindle those relationships

• Letting life happen

• Choosing happiness and peace

• Embracing the love I have for myself

For those who may be hesitant to begin their grief healing and integration journey, what words of wisdom would you like to offer to them? 

Society has portrayed grief as a burden for everyone else to experience in the presence of those who are grieving.  We are expected to mourn quietly and move on quickly out of inconvenience for others.  Grief will never go away, it just lessens and we have to educate ourselves on how to live with it daily.  Avoiding grief will only push it down deeper, delaying what we truly deserve, to be happy and loved by ourselves and others.

Having experienced very profound postpartum depression after the birth of my son, the loss of my beloved stepdad in the same year, making the difficult choice to end my relationship with my birth father, the passing of a romantic partner and friendships who could not hold the space for me while grieving kept me suspended in the darkness of my grief.  Sitting in the discomfort of our grief, sadness, anger and pain is a very courageous thing to do and I have so much self respect for myself now.  With the safe container Jasmin provides and tools learned through falling up I am able to live with my grief and experience joy again.  Life is so much sweeter now.

Photos: 1. The last photo my stepdad ever took of my son. 2. One of my favorite hiking trails. 3. My mom Helen with my son Julian, a day in San Francisco together.